It gets really snakey around here in July. You would think we were running the Eden of Garden Snake Sanctuary. Snakes, mostly fox snakes (aka pine snakes), and a few garter snakes, converge from all over the woods to gather at the snake spa (our compost bin). Sometimes I find them relaxing in the snake shack (our garden shed) stretched out on the top shelves sunning themselves.

I can stand upstairs in my office and look out the window and watch snakes slithering across the yard from all corners of the woods to converge at July’s annual Big Snake Convention. This time of year, watch where you walk because you could trip over a snake. I’ve seen snakes snoozing on our front steps.

Yes, it freaks me out. My nervous system is extra janky in July.

Fox snakes are BIG, like 4 to 6 feet long. They are not venomous, but they will scare the shit out of you with their bigness. And they can be feisty. They’ll hold their ground, especially against the dogs.

I have a completely irrational fear of snakes. On my first run-in with a fox snake in the raspberry patch, I levitated out of the garden and screamed until I cried — and vowed never to pick raspberries again. I approach the compost bins carefully as I have been startled to screaming many many times. And I have unintentionally conditioned the dogs to bark and run toward the compost every time I head to that part of the garden.

Dogs are no fans of the snakes either.

I’ve learned to run away fast when the dogs find a snake — they fling snakes. The Boss and I have both been hit by flying snakes. Our little dog flung a 6-foot long fox snake right into our big dog. I saw the whites of her eyes got huge as she jumped about four feet in the air and ran away at the speed of light. I get it. Now she stays away from the snakes.

The dogs will hassle the snakes all day long, especially our cattle dog. He spends entire days sniffing out and harassing the snakes and herding them around the yard. When it gets really snakey outside I can’t let the dog out. Too much harassing, not enough relaxing.

I’ve noticed the snakes have different personalities. Some snakes will curl up to defend against the dogs, some will strike, and some will let the dogs herd them across the yard. Some have realized if they keep moving the dogs won’t touch them.

The Boss seems to have no problems with the snakes and will defend them and has even named a few of them.

But they can be assholes. Especially when they get after the baby robins. Fox snakes can climb trees. Woe to the robin that builds their nest too low in a tree. Then the Boss isn’t so forgiving. He will beat the crap out of the snake with a stick until the snake falls from the tree and retreats. The robins have learned to alert the humans when a snake is near by.

It is true that if you are exposed enough to a phobia, the phobia will lessen. I’m trying to make peace with the snakes. I scream less as to not alert the dogs. I don’t let the dogs hassle or kill the snakes. I actually feel terrible when I come across a dead snake. I know they are good for the environment. I hear they eat lots of ticks. And I’d much rather have snakes than mice around the house. So we try to let them live in peace.

If you have a snake phobia, you may not want to come visit in July.

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